We should also work to practice tolerance for the unimportant things (we absolutely shouldn’t tolerate neglect and abuse—get out if those begin to appear! Conversely, others end up living with unbearable pain instead of moving on (see number 5).Healthy relationships are sometimes lukewarm—and both parties need to understand that. The willingness to choose “influencing” instead of “controlling.” This means that after saying something once, they let it go. This is especially important if you feel like losing yourself in the other person.
Make a decision to stay involved if things are going well most of the time. It is also important to have “ease” in a relationship—while at the same time, understanding that no relationship is perfect or easy all the time. Love avoidants want to run for the hills, while others might overreact and start a big fight. A sense of reciprocity, or “give and take,” is critical to a healthy relationship.It also means that they choose to display their values by acting as a role-model, rather than nagging you (or others) to change. Codependents have no boundaries and neglect themselves.Love avoidants have rigid boundaries and won’t let you in. How can an intimate relationship feel good if we aren’t special to each other?One partner should not believe in monogamy while the other hopes to entertain side flings.When it comes to the children, it will be easier if you both agree on the parenting style, as this can avoid needless conflict within the whole family system. Patience is one of those things that comes and goes.