Getting married after 6 months of dating
We pick up so many unhealthy ways of communicating before we arrive in our relationships, sometimes from seeing how our parents communicated, and so it’s important to examine how you communicate with your partner to determine whether you need to make any changes. And I realized how vital it was for me to examine what I had been carrying around because it did impact my relationship.We bring around baggage from childhood scars, issues with our parents, family members, or past partners.It’s necessary to examine what, if anything, from your past is coming out in your relationships.First you have to know your needs in order to express them.My husband and I decided to create a communication agreement where we both added agreed upon ways we’d go about having discussions.It’s really worked for us, and I believe it’s a great way to ensure that both of you are on the same page about how you want to have discussions.I didn’t know what my needs were when I married my husband because I had never spent time thinking about them before.But it’s critical to understand your needs and then verbalize them so that you can discuss how they can be met. But I realized that in order to get through the rough times, you have to forgive. Not the kind of forgiveness where you forgive and then bring it up six months later.
But at a friend’s suggestion (read: peer pressure and wine), she caved and created a Bumble account. Here, Jenn shares the sweet story behind their zero-to-60 relationship.
How this shows up in communication is being “assertively unassertive.” You say “Yes” (assertive) when you really mean “No way” (unassertive). You then often push away the people you care about because you don’t want to seem in need of support. You say others are hard on you, unfair, unreasonable, and excessively demanding. Procrastinate frequently, especially on things you do for others. You complain that others are unreasonable and lacking in empathy when they expect you to live up to your promises, obligations, or duties.
All the while, you are afraid of being alone and want to control those around you so they won’t leave you. One way of controlling others is to make them wait. Another way of controlling others is to send mixed messages, ones that leave the other person completely unclear about your thoughts, plans or intentions. Passive-aggressive women favor the silent treatment as an expression of their contempt. One way of driving people away is to be thoughtless, inconsiderate, and infuriating. Again, a control move somewhat like procrastinating, but the difference is you begin and appear as though you are doing what you said you would do.
Seriously take a while to ponder your own behavior, and if any of these traits describe you as you usually are, take notice.
This may help you may finally understand why you are having difficulties with personal and work relationships.